april 24th
1:20pm
i’m so tired of trying to talk to people. of trying to make friends and bond with them. of trying to find just a single deeper relationship with another human being. i’ve done everything i’m supposed to. i reach out, i listen, i support, i make myself available—and yet it’s always pulling fucking teeth to get someone to give a shit. to respond, just enough for a conversation at least, god just a full conversation. i have to wait wait wait wait wait until they’ve remembered i exist. i’m so sick of that.
“just keep trying, your people will come!” yeah, man.
unfortunately, i’m just not all that important. i never have been. i don’t do things correctly even after all this work (the issue must be me). that and the fact that most people don’t give a shit about anything other than themselves. and this fucking town. i’ve tried and tried and tried but this place has been killing me since middle school. it doesn’t even know i’m here.
but it’s okay, i guess. i can handle loneliness, i always have. manage it, whatever.
tomorrow will be great. it’s finally happening.
It's sad, people only talk to themselves and only look at themselves in the mirror. I wish you a beautiful Saturday, Lila
I think this is a frustration that many people are feeling nowadays so you're definitely not alone. I wish there were more places where it was easier to have these deep conversations and build some good rapport. Everybody's learning how to just be alone and be okay with it